Mad As Hell

Some folks might find this rude, but to keep it a hunnit, I don't really give a...well you know the rest.

To no surprise yet another Black man was a brutally murdered in daylight in the street on camera. Yet another Black woman for no reason. More hashtags. More campaigns for justice. Anger piled on and piled on. Protests. Riots. Frustration. Pain. Outrage. Fear. On the news, you'll hear more about property damage than the unnatural, untimely deaths due to cold blooded murders that sparked them.

Let me be clear I'm not saying violence is the answer, but what do we do? We comply and still die. When we're peaceful, we get silenced or black-balled. When we have respectful, unarmed protests especially with ten or more folks, we are still labeled as thugs starting a riot or forming a mob. We own businesses, often they're sabotaged or burned down to ashes. We speak out against injustice and racism at the workplace, we get labeled as the aggressors and fired. We are punished for being Black to how we wear our hair.

We use our key to open our front door of our house and we get shot 41 times. When we get stopped with a farce of a traffic stop and don't reach but inform the officer of a license for a lawfully obtained firearm for personal and family protection, they empty the clip on us. We eat ice cream in our own home or play video games with our nephew, we get shot no matter who's with us. We wear a hoodie and die, but white men can wear hoods freely. We walk in the park, go for a jog, or have a cookout, and a white person's lie brings us harm. We take a knee and opt out of singing a song with blatantly racist lyrics that have been hidden in plain sight that we finally got hip to, they say we hate this country when the fact of the matter is this country hated us since the day they ripped us away from our homes, stole our identities, ravaged and raped our culture. A DNA test can't fix that. It can't repair all the connections lost in the trade. Everytime we make something new for the culture, it's stolen. WHAT CAN WE DO!

I'm asking as a Black woman, who comes from a strong Black man and a strong Black woman who taught me never to be ashamed of who I am. I'm asking as the Black female entrepreneur who has the audacity to dream about building businesses and community building. I'm asking as a woman who's one day going to marry a Black man and raise children who will be proud and thankful to be Black and beautiful. I'm asking as someone who is uneasy every single time a police car follows behind me even when I am doing nothing wrong and driving the speed limit. A ting of fear triggers my heart everytime I see a Black person stopped by the police praying that no senseless violence occurs because you don't have to be a criminal to be targeted, and even if you are you should have a chance to change your behavior and to choose a better life even if a befitting punishment needs to be rendered. Often times our people don't get that chance. I'm asking as someone who prays that little Black boys and girls make it home to their parents and that parents make it home to their children and that spouses make it home to their husbands or wives. I'm asking as a Black woman forcing back tears as I type thinking about my babies. I won't live in fear; I refuse to do so, but the reality is just breathing while Black can be terrifying.

As a Believer of the True Living God -not the one white supremacists made up when they manipulated the Bible to justify evil but the Real One who hates sin no matter what you look like- I know we must pray, but what can we do? Faith without works is dead, but many of our works are leaving us for dead and I can only pray they aren't in vain and that those souls are at peaceful rest. As Christians at times we go through trials for Christ's sake, but racism, the systematic racism this country was built on nourished with the blood of our ancestors is only the work of evil men.

Ephesians 4:26-27 says to be angry but sin not and warms not to the let the sun go down on your wrath and not to the let the enemy get a foothold. Lord, I'm trying to hold true to this Scripture and heed to the instruction. I'm trying to be Your child and be obedient, but I'm pissed off and tired of being such. I'm labeled as an Angry Black Woman but they keep shoving reasons to be in my face. God, I'm angry because far too many are hunting the people You created all because we are Black. Lord help me to keep myself from operating in outrage. Lord, clean my heart so hate doesn't truly set in as is it is trying to do. I'm being transparent because You already know we need help! Lord, we are mad as hell, but I don't want our anger to take us there. Hold my hand and walk with me so I don't act a fool and lose my mind because of the constant trauma inflicted on the folks who look like me. Lord, please so the world that our lives matter, too! Lord, hear my plea, please hear our call. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus. I'm praying in Your Name.

To my Beautiful Black People, if no one has shown you today, I love you. Even if we never met and don't agree I love you, but God loves you better. Be kind to one another. Let's unite and spread love because we need it. Our children need it. I need you to understand that even the "crabs in the barrel" syndrome is systematic. Let's work together and break the barrel. Let's get our freedom, let us at least try.

As a Believer I was called to love, even those who hate me. I'm gone be honest right now, I'm having a hard time living up to that as of late. I ain't gone hold you. To the self-proclaimed allies, use your privilege wisely to dismantle the system of hate those who look like you put in place. I know it's not automatically your fault but when you benefit off of the oppression your ancestors did and your family and friends are still doing and remain silent, you too are the problem.

And I mean that.

-K.T. Braxton