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What You Gone Do Now?


"What you gone do now?" We hear that daunting question more times than we'd like. After a devasting breakup, a major career change, a frightening medical diagnosis, a huge life event, and so on and so forth. Whether the occurrence is good or bad, it more than likely requires major adjustment. Sometimes when a season changes and we are getting acclimated, we may miss our old selves or a piece of our former versions. Look at parents for example. They may have waited for the beautiful, unmatched moment of welcoming the birth of their babies, but when those newborn responsibilities hit they may miss what it was like just to be husband and wife. 

I have recently had to endure a big shift, the metaphorical bruise from the blow I took to the gut is still stinging, but as I figuratively lay on the floor curled up in the fetal position, I'm left with this notion: "What I'm gone do now? Who am I to be now?"

At the beginning, this season caused a whirlwind. The season also caused me to evolve, but for possibly superficial reasons I missed a couple aspects of my older self. In many ways, I had to meet aspects of myself for the first time in this new era. I uncovered fears. I learned more things I didn't like about myself which would have continued to lay dormant if the shake up didn't occur. I had to choose self-work or be a mess. I also learned a few good things about myself. I loved more and became a bit more human even. Though arguably rocky, there were peaks and valleys such as all great eras. Though it ended in a very low valley, it was spectacular. I soared to new heights. I felt the sun on my face like never before. 

Just as I was beginning to be content with the new journey ready to go where I thought it was leading, there was the BOOM! What was I to do? What am I to do? It was worse than when I ended a contract without having a replacement, though really the scenarios are apples to oranges. I was stumped. I'm still stunned, but now as I type I remind myself of a few things. 

1. No matter what the next step is, God has me as long as I stay in His will.

2. The end can be the beginning of something great, or maybe even just a pause, a challenge to conquer. Afterall, I wasn't expecting this era and it turned out to be beautiful even with the turbulence. It was worth it, and I'd do it again all while knowing the BOOM.

3. I don't need to revert back to who I was before this but it's okay for me to miss me. I need to keep growing and bettering myself. 

Be you, all of your evolving, beautiful self. If the old you was great, imagine who you can become. Love yourself at every moment, no matter what stage you're in, life event is occurring, or ending has come.

If no one has shown you, I love you but God loves you better. 

Be blessed. 

-K.T.B.


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