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Ask Kenny Dec.2016

Heeeeyyyy y'all. As promised here is the last "Ask Kenny" of the year. I am outside of my normal time zone, so where I am I have a bit of time left in 2016. Tonight we will answer a question posed by a wonderful friend of mine and also have year end reflections. So let's go! 

Q: "Why are some men intimidated by successful women?"

     As I rubbed my head in exasperation trying to muster up words to sufficiently answer this question, the obvious jumped out at me as if it wasn't already in my reach. As I have stated many times before, the difference between man and woman go beyond physicality. With that being said, some men who are intimidated by strong women because they have not met strength. They do not greet one another by first name. 

    Why should a woman have to be weak for a man to feel strong? For years and years, women have been deprived of opportunity and education yet barriers have been shattered like the glass ceilings meant to be destroyed. With many men being absent from the home -as a result of systematic oppression and destruction of the black family, generational curses, personal choice, and all other befitting reasons- the women have not only been mothers but have been forced to substitute in paternal roles. Instead of there being a team, there have been one-woman shows. Of course with all the extra weight on their shoulders they became stronger, therefore, they posed a threat to men lacking courage and substance. 

   Now, I am surely not so rigid that I assume that is the only reason why some men (notice I did not generalize the whole male species) are intimidated by strong women which leads me here to this next point. Traditionalists still exist, however, some have a slanted view. I personally am the product of a traditional manly man and a strong woman, but I digress. Some just want control. They thrive on said control. In years past, many of the women depended on men for income, freedom, approval, and many other elements of their life. Men of today's era growing up with this mindset, assume that women of today's era are to depend completely on them, and this is by no means degrading women of years past because they raised generations; those women were the backbone; they were taken through many trials, some of which caused by the men they called husbands because of the unspoken fight for control. Some of these new age traditionalists do not necessarily have a mindset of leading but of control. When they see independent, strong-willed women, I imagine them scratching their heads, and I say this as unbiased as possible, because they wonder what use can they have. When you don't need them for much, they have little to no strings to pull. But I must ask, isn't it nice for someone to want you more than they need you? Additionally, don't needs include more than money? Surely the reasons for women being with men surpass money and materials. Maybe I'm naive. Maybe it's just me. 

    Furthermore, some men are intimidated because seeing strong women is a surprise for them because of their surroundings. They haven't seen what they perceive to be strong. People have misunderstood the concept of submission. Believe it or not there is strength in submission. For men raised by fathers and mothers, especially mothers who have put their egos aside and became more docile and subdued, seeing women wear their own pants so to speak is not an easy pill to swallow. Some men raised by women who allowed themselves to live as doormats in their eyes can come up feeling entitled and prideful. Some of them see women as inferior. Though there are a plethora of reasons of why, for the sake of time I'll end with this last reason. The obvious. There are girls living in grown women's bodies. They sell their bodies for a 2-for-20, maybe a bag and new shoes, or simply give themselves away to a man who gives them a few likes or comments on social media, while some search for love and mistake it for abuse masqueraded as kind words and refuge. I dare not to say that this demographic is the majority, but this section of women make a lot of noise. People have gotten so excited about this instant gratification that they have weakened their senses. Why wait when you can have it right now? Why court her when the chick over there is putting out? Some men are intimidated by strong women because they are not easy to manipulate. How can he not be intimidated when he can't hold a decent conversation because he's only proficient in emojis? Iight, maybe that was a low blow, but you catch my drift, right? 

    Well folks, there are many reasons as to why but no one can truly give a finite reason. People are intimidated by and fear what they don't understand and appreciate. These are just a few opinionated answers based on experience and research. I encourage you to do your research and share your experience. 

   Now, here's to the clichés. Time for year-end reflections. I could tell you how 2016 was ugly, but I'd be remiss not to tell you why it was beautiful also. 

Beautiful 2016

1. I am grateful for God's sufficient grace.

2. I got to continue to earn my badge of being the dopest auntie to a handsome little boy. 

3. I was granted the honor of being godmother to a beautiful, talented young lady.

4. I grew in ministry. 

5. I am grateful for relatively insignificant moments shared with significant people such as watching the Golden Girls with a beloved friend.

Ugly (Yet Testifiable) 2016 

1. I am grateful that even when going through much personally, I was still effective in ministry. 

2. I walked away from a near death experience.  

3. I received some unsettling news from a beloved friend and it served as a refresher course. What we do affects others whether directly or indirectly, so we ought to be mindful of our actions. Though distressed, I was forced to examine myself. 

4. I learned the importance of mourning and the purpose it serves.  

5. Even in utterly unhappy days, I still found joy. 

I suppose it wasn't so bad after all. We can complain all day long, but why? As the year closes (for some have closed), be grateful. There's something remarkable about embarking on a new year, but a few days may not change everything just quite yet because you must make a conscientious decision to better yourself daily. Yes, some things happen and they suck but guess what honey pie? It doesn't have to be all bad. Resolutions are great but if you can't set and meet daily or weekly goals, why should an annual goal be any different? I want to encourage you to evolve into the best version of yourself always. Cheers to a new year and better us. 

If no one has shown you, I love you from the very bottom to the very top of my heart and God loves you greater. Be blessed. 

-K.T. Braxton 

I pray your faith increases. I pray you success, whatever that looks like to you. I pray you find joy and peace which no one can take away without your permission. 

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